Pastor-Genève Advice

By Thomas Hartig

When we are talking to other people, we tend to believe that we understand each other simply because we are using similar sounds to another person. Yet, words are just words, they are not what they stand for, and words tend to mean different things to different people. See, the only way we can understand language, is to take the words that come in and run them through our experiences, and thus our emotional response to words is highly individual.

Think of words like: Love, war, peace, sex, family, etc. To you some of these might have positive, some negative connotations. To a weapons manufacturer, the word war will however mean something different than it does to you, or not?

This becomes important in our everyday lives, when we are talking to other people. In school we have been taught to paraphrase in order to make sure we understand others, but how can that happen when we exchange their very words with ours…we literally UNDERstand someone else. So how can we start OVERstanding them?

Since language does not describe reality, but create it (Watzlawick), another person’s words will show us their reality. Excellent, that is easy enough. But how do you find out which words make a difference, or which words really matter?

Firstly, look at body language. Words that are important will usually be accentuated by changes in body language, skin colour, pupil dilation, and breathing. And these are just the things you will see! When you listen closely, people usually make a short break before saying something important, their tone will change, as well as pitch and tempo.

So the other day I was talking to someone about NLP training, and I asked: “Why do you want to do an NLP course?” To which the woman said: “Well, I feel that I really want to help people…HEAL!” So when in then said: “Excellent, and you know how NLP and hypnosis can really help people…HEAL, don’t you?” Her response was one of feeling completely understood!

Right then, so what you want to get into the habit of doing is listening to these words that matter, words that are like emotional hot buttons for people, and learn how to use them in your language to increase your ability to be understood by others. When someone says, “I want XYZ” when you ask them why they want it, they will give you these emotionally packed words that are highly important in that person’s reality. But why take my word for it, when you can go out and do this to notice the results. Have fun being overstood!

By Vicka Tanski

You are already free. Freedom is you real nature.

But there is something that constantly prevents from you experiencing your freedom.
It’s your Ego.

And the more you realize and recognize it, the more you will feel free.

What is your ego?

Your ego it’s the image of yourself you have created in order to be accepted by society, by others.

It begun early in your childhood. When you were a child your parents and other people judged and
criticized you. They didn’t accept you just as you are. They tried to change you, to make you a person that will fit them, the person they will be able to control. The person, whose presence they will not feel. The person that will not cause them trouble or change their routine.

As you see, trying to educate you, people mostly did not care about you, but about themselves.

But you were a little child, who was dependent on adults for survival. So you developed your ego, your false identity that has a purpose to please and satisfy others. That was the only way you could get what you need and what you want.

Step by step you have built self definition. You have started loving some parts of you, because the society accepts them; and hate your other qualities, because the society did the same.

Time passed. You are not really depending on anyone anymore. But here is the power of bad habit. You regularly treat yourself through the eyes of society, so often that you’ve adopted their “voice” of judgment.

Now you’re continuing to identify yourself with that false image that was created in order to satisfy others.

You’re experiencing everything through your ego. You’re not free anymore to be yourself, but this is the only way you can really experience freedom.

So what is the solution? How can you be more you and less your ego?

Here are just some of the points you have to relate:

- Practice meditation
- Reduce self judgment
- Learn to totally express yourself
- Practice the state of mind of success, wealth and freedom

By Stacey T Pollock

There are many times in life that we might need to debate our own viewpoint and ideas to another. Seeking individually to be heard and understood and given a position of importance in relation to another person’s concepts and beliefs. We look to other people as if they come from some far away place, not really wanting to address their beliefs as having relevance or purpose, only wanting that they believe in us and take into consideration what we feel in our hearts to be truth.

Often there are seen two people talking over each other, not really hearing what the other has to say. They do not care about each others choice of opinion, choosing only to value their own set of rules and beliefs. What is really happening here? Are these two people really communicating or only emphasizing to us the inability for people to truly understand each other. They are unable to give another person a chance to relate ideas and information that might have a creative and influential benefit breaking through structured and cemented ways.

Listening to others shows a person’s ability to allow for creativity and other people to have their own viewpoint on life. No matter the ideas and concepts being brought forth, one really needs to see another person’s information as their individual and unique ideas and not a challenge to their own set beliefs and structures. What this means is that most people take the beliefs and ideas of another as a personal criticism opening up to argument and fighting to try and protect opinion. This opinion really is only a truth through the eyes of the person who is delivering the message and should never be seen as personal or vindictive.

This is the most interesting thing in life that a lot of people do not take into consideration that the words of another are not to be taken personally. They are coming from the emotional state of the other person, driven by that person’s inability to accept another for who they are. Especially if they are words of criticism and aggression, they are really just outlining the person’s inner fears when they present annoyance outwardly, especially when their emotions lead to outburst and displays of emotional uncontrollability. This shows the real nature of their inner thinking, most importantly showing their true fears of life and inability to cope with certain situations when things do not go their way or feel uncomfortable for them.

When a person directs messages of anger towards another they might really be saying, ‘I do not like you in my life because you stop me from being seen as important and getting what I want.’ Or ‘I do not like your opinions on life because they do not fit with mine.’ In some cases when it comes to people looking towards other people’s choices on belief, if they are to have an outburst of dislike, what they are really saying is, ‘I do not feel comfortable with your choices of opinion and cannot accept your words because they do not belong with mine.’ This is the ultimate truth that one person’s ideas and concepts do not belong to another. When a person has an outburst of negative opinion towards another it is from their own inability to cope with the other person’s creative expression, because they feel that it promotes against their own ideas.

The judgment that is occurring here is really not directed toward the person who is criticized, but merely showing the insecurities and fears that the aggressor is having when having to open up and accept another person’s new ideas and choices for belief. It will not matter how much aggression and anger we show to another person this will not change their viewpoint on life. It will only show that the aggressor has fears and cannot cope with allowing differences in life and everyone to have their own valued point of view.

No person has to prove their point of view to another. It is their own singular and unique perception that has value based on the fact that it works for them. If it works for them then it is to be considered a fair choice, especially if the person feels that it gives them a purpose and reason to be in life. One should not deny another their own purpose for life, because if they even attempt such things what they are really trying to achieve is a death of that person’s unique inner drive for life and creation. Not wanting that person to have freewill within their mind, and only to see their way as the truth.

Truth is different for everyone. Belief is based on every person having their own mind in which to think. A mind that is free to choose what it wants to see as truth, no matter the physical obstacles presented in life, and the opinions of others. The freedom we can hold onto is within ourselves and our own level of thinking of how we want life to be seen individually. Belief and choice is a personal experience and if anyone allows another to dictate their own thoughts then it is done by their own choice. We all know that our thoughts are our own, that we have a choice on what to believe or not, and that the real truth comes from within ourselves, based on individual goals and purpose.

The only person that we have to justify our opinion to is ourselves. Within ourselves is the only way that we can be fully understood for our individual reasoning and beliefs, justified on personal experiences and our own choices for life. These choices are showing our creative freedom that we utilize in order to see life in our own way. It is a beautiful, unique and individual freedom that should be valued by each person and seen as relevant towards developing an individual purpose in life. You are the only one that has to believe your choices, the only one who can create upon your life. Belief must then come from within in order to fulfill anything that you desire. Your opinion is valuable, your point of view important, to your own life and path, creating upon your own unique goals and future.